Finally

i know i said i was gunna post more but...i got lazy lol but that doesn't mean God is done teaching me...He's never done

witch is pretty cool but it's not the easiest thing in the world either

i guess this one isn't so much what' I've learned it's more of what just has been going on lately...

God has just been drilling into my head the fact that i need to trust Him in everything, EVERYTHING it's kind of like a trust fall into God's arms...

and it's harder than it sounds and it's been a test
and i learned that the tests of life aren't pass or fail...they shine a light on what's really inside

and I've learned just how spiritually immature i am...i used to think "oh spiritually I'm like...oh...19....just like physically and mentally" but i only thought that because i reasoned like a 19-year-old would but I've realized that i am more like a child...because lately things have not been going my way at all...and I've responded in a very childish way.

i feel like "I've been doing everything right" and i guess I've kinda been holding God to some man-made standard that says I'm entitled to some sort of physical reward...and like a toddler I've been throwing a temper tantrum so to speak because i feel that i haven't gotten "what i deserve"...and pastor said on Sunday that just because things aren't going right, doesn't mean i can go back to living like the world...


and I'll admit it...i have been slacking off in getting into worship, or my prayers have been lip service...and the life i chose to live, yeah the one that says that I'm supposed to be set apart...yeah I've set my self apart alright


but not from the right ppl...

but there is something that God has brought to my attention...there is a song by Hillsong United off their new CD, it's called 'You Hold Me Now' and that song talks about Heaven it says "no weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering, you hold me now, you hold me now" and i think about what i have to look forward too...i have hope of a life like that

and that's something i can hold on to

i know that God has a plan...even though i can't see it...i know that God has all the answers even though He doesn't tell me them...and most importantly I know that God loves me even when my back is turned....

maybe next time i get mad at God because i "didn't get what i deserve" I'll just think about what i REALLY deserve...

and i guess I'm about done...but i hate to end on a statement that kinda puts me down lol

so I'll just say...I'm excited for what God is doing...through His church....and I'm glad to be part of it...and i know that one day...my only regret will be that i didn't do more...