JD's blog

Dolce Scherza

2010-10-26T00:06:00.001-04:00

it’s pronounced “Dolchae Skartsa” lol..

I have a confession to make….I didn’t write the Italian lyrics to this song..

…shocking i know… it’s actually an Old Itallian song that was anonymously written with the lyrics (we’re learning it in voice teq)

” Dolce scherza e dolce ride

vago labbro e spira amor.

Ma t’alletta e poi t’uccide,

cosi affligge questo cor.

Dolce scherza e dolce ride

vago labbro e spira amor.”

Which google translates to

“Sweet and gentle jokes laughs

vague lip and breathe love.

But t’alletta and then kill you,

thus afflicts my heart.

Sweet and gentle jokes laughs

vague lip and breathe love”

I have yet to see a perfect translation that makes sense (our book in voice teq has a different translation on the page than it does in the glossary…plus my teacher had his own translation lol).

But what I interpret is this…there is a man who is in love with this girl but she kind of teases him and is very vague with him on how she feels.

Nothing shocking about that…people write songs about that stuff all the time…

but what i find interesting is that song is very happy and up-beat

listen to the original melody .http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/olc/dl/31284/72_-_track_72.mp3

it’s happy for the most part (except for the key change in the middle and then it gets very diminished/dissonant)

and that’s the beauty of this piece…it feels like this Itallian song writer is saying “She’s got me right where she wants me, but I’m right where I want to be, head over heals in love.”

and it’s a happy feeling…and that’s the emotion i want to capture in my song…

I sped up the rhythm (is that really how it’s spelled!) and I wanted it to be almost like a serenade but not really lol

the verses are very desperate sounding “if i could do anything to be with you…yada yada yada” and then the prechorus says “you make me feel like i’ve never felt and the only way i know how to say it is…”

and that it’s a bunch of words you don’t understand

and i hope….i really really hope you listen to the chorus and think “Wow, I don’t know what this means but I like it”

AND THAT IS THE VERY CONCEPT OF THIS WHOLE SONG it really is…

i’ll add the lyrics to my version after i finish the actual song…

well that’s my interpretation anyways…i could be totally wrong about the song btw lol…but i hope you get the idea.

…and if you don’t get it….i’ve got song for you :p

Guess who's starting early on their new year's resolutions!

2010-10-22T23:27:00.002-04:00

...not that i ever made any before...nor do i think that they are a good idea...i mean you can decide to start going to the gym or start being nice to people or whatever at any point in the year so why wait untill January 1st anyway...

anywho....i've come up with 3 resolutions i guess...

here they are....

1. I'm going to think more positive...

i know that sounds weird because i'm not usually a negative person...but i'm talking about my decision making skills...

truthfully...they suck...when making an important decision I always think 'what are the negatives'...now that can be a good thing at times because it can keep me out of trouble...but what it doesn't' help with is the fact that it causes me to fear making any decision other than what i'm comfortable with...

example:...witnessing is a big one...or telling people what they want to hear v.s. what they need to hear...so lets say i had a friend that needed my advice...i would probably (except for a few exeptions) tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear just because i'm afraid that they will get mad at me or whatever.... so instead i'm going to think of positives about telling them what they need to hear....

....confused? sorry, but they're my resolutions not yours ;P

2. i'm going to take more chances (or 'leaps of faith' if that offends you)

this one is like the last one...but i've noticed that alot of times instead of telling someone what i need to tell them or something like that....just don't do anything...i "play it safe" when in reality...that's the most dangerous thing i can do...agian...i've turned down alot of good things just because i was afraid to make a decision...

3. i'm going to be more productive

i noticed today that i can't just sit around all day and play video games like i did in high school...(I use high school as sort of a benchmark for my life because my college years just seem to all blend together) anywho...

i'm going to be more productive...i'm not going to just sit around and do nothing when i'm bored...so i've decided that i'm going to start doing things like record songs, text friends, study (either school work or the Bible), just something i can do when i'm bored that actually means something in life...

i know Fable III is going to be fun...but a year from now...it will mean nothing...so if i'm going to waste 6 hours on a Friday i might as well be doing something constructive...or something that will achieve something someday sooner or later

anywho...if this post was confusing or something....don't worry...my main reason for posting this is so that i can look back on it and remember the decisions i've made...

...g'night and God bless as always

-JD...

Don't get mad at God because i'm judgmental.

2010-08-24T23:39:00.002-04:00

...for real please don't.

I've seen it a lot of Facebook/twitter posts saying "I'm done with God" or something along that nature (usually it's not worded so nicely). It really breaks my heart to see it...not only does it offend me, really, but the biggest thing is that i feel like people have turned their back on God because I did something stupid or because i was "judgmental" or something.

Honestly, if you have a problem with me or anyone else at fgt then go to a different church or something but don't get mad at God....

...there was obviously a reason why you came to Him in the first place....just try to remember what that reason was...

If i'm not the reason you gave your heart to Christ...than why i'm i the reason you took it back.

If i've done something that made you mad or feel unloved or something, than i'm sorry... Jesus said to "love your neighbor as yourself" and if i'm not doing that...than i'm not doing what Jesus said and that's my fault and not his.

anyways...that's my opinion....comment below...i work early tomorrow :(

g'night

I'm done...

2009-09-09T23:30:00.002-04:00

so I've decided to stop being stubborn...and this is step one out of like 29374923874298379243 it will take me to get to a point where I'm not stubborn anymore...but this is it...

so like almost forever ago (i'm not sure how long it's been) i felt like God was calling me to ministry...and i always assumed it was music, but i've realized that it's not.

I feel the calling to be a youth pastor...and honestly i've kinda been stubborn...and for many different "reasons" too...

1. i'm scared...and this branches into like 3597 0437 different categories, but the number one thing i'm afraid of is that my parents won't support me in it because...let's face it...the job market for youth pastors isn't all that great, and then obviously i'm afraid that i might somehow misguide or mislead people, not intentionally of course but idk...

2. i'm doubtful...i mean...can God really use ME to be a youth pastor...i'm not the most articulate person on the planet, and on top of that, every other word i say is either 'like' or 'um', and i'm not uber-duber tall and handsome like most of the youth pastors you see out there

3. i'm ignorant...the best word i could think of was ignorant...i just don't know what to do or even how to become a 'youth pastor' like to i go to school and say "ok i'm Pastor JD now, time to find a job as a youth pastor", i know you have to be ordained but i don't necessarily know how to do that

So i guess that's my 3 excuses/reasons for being stubborn and i know 3 easy verses to help me ....i just need to have them in my heart and not just my head.

1. Joshua 1:9
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. "

2. Philipians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

3. Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding"

sometimes the answers are in my head...but i guess i don't really believe them until they are put to the test..

What do I know?

2009-09-02T23:59:00.002-04:00

'Que sais-je?' or 'What do I know'

That's how the French writer Michel de Montaigne would start his works. I learned this the other day in my English class, and I found it inspiring.

so I guess that's the direction i want to take this blogging hobby...i'm gunna blog about what i know...

so JD what do you know...

well (and this is shocking) but i actually know alot...too much to put in just one blog...so i'm gunna start with obviously the most important thing...

and that's not neccisarily 'what i know' but it's more 'who i know'

my testimony talks about my salvation, and that is awesome...but i want to make a post about Jesus...

so i'm gunna start with the basics

I know Jesus took my place on the cross and died for my sins, rose again 3 days later, freed me from sin, and one day He's gunna come back and show the devil who's boss..

well how do i know this...by faith, or by fact?...

actuallly it's faith and personal expierence...

you see, if i'm going to tell my testimony from my standpoint i start with Battlecry '06 but...if i start from Jesus' standpoint then i start alot earlier...

when i was in 6th grade my school closed down...so my parents were going to enroll me in Light and Life Christian Academy...but they were full...so instead they were going to enroll me in Stout Public School...and as my mom was filling out the paperwork for Stout, the principal of Light and Life called and said that even though the 7th grade class was full, they would still take me....

So that's where i met a freind who invited me to FGT... and i went because i was talking with a couple of the people there and they actually treated me like a human being (sad but true) and i wasn't really involved untill they asked me to play guitar for the youth...and i was like...umm...i'm not that good...but there was somthing that was telling me to do it...so i did...

i told someone at school that i was playing for a church the convo went somthing like this
me:"i play guitar for my church"
other kid: "do even know how to play guitar"
me:"yeah i have a book of like 300 chords or something"
other kid: "dude, you need like a beginner book, your not even good"
(btw...i still play today)

he was right...i knew one chord...(it was em7...but the book had it wrong anyway) but the good thing is that it kept me in the church

i know what you're thinking "JD you were playing guitar on stage and you weren't even saved" honestly...yeah i wasn't serious about God at all untill battlecry

and i remember the only reason i went to battlecry is because a girl was going and i had a crush on her back in the day lol...

and there i met with a real God and now my life is changed....

and so this story reveals one of my favorite things about God....that is He always makes a way for people...i know i didn't see it before but now i see that this whole time everything was set up by God...which is inspiring

even if you don't believe in God...just imagine...the one who spoke the entire earth into exsitence, the one who created every individual person....called me BY MY NAME...

Yahweh....The Great I AM, said..."I WANT JOSHUA DAVID WAYT TO BE MY SON AND I WANT TO TELL HIM I LOVE HIM!"...and He made a way...

Luke 5 has a story of a leper that comes to Jesus and says "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean" and Jesus said to him "I AM willing"... That is grace...undeserved favor....

so let me tell you what i know...i know Love, i know Grace, i know Forgiveness, i know Freedom,
i know God...

and i'm horrible at telling people about Jesus...for various reasons...i don't want to offend someone, i don't want people to think i'm weird, or watever other reason my flesh decideds to come up with...just pray that i have the strength to stand

So i'm hyped up on Monster and I am nowhere near tired

2009-08-06T02:14:00.003-04:00

Blog Time...especially now that i don't have to post this on twitter/tumblr/facebook now... just gotta tell the Myspacerz

anywho so yeah i dunno how long this one's gunna be...but i was just thinking today before work and i was thinking about grace

and i was thinking about how much I ignore grace... i mean really i do

as Christians (and we all do it... my self included to the umpteenth degree) we tend to think we are better than those who are unsaved because we are going to heaven...and in reality we aren't...

it was grace that saved me from where i was...honestly, before Christ, i was going to hell in a hand basket...i mean really i was no better than the worst of sinners...

so what gives me the right to point out the flaws in others...aren't they given the same grace that i was given...there is not one person on this earth who is beyond the grace and love of Christ..

i think i need to focus alittle bit more on showing and telling instead of pointing and judging...

Romans 2:1-4 "1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, BECAUSE YOU WHO PASS JUDGMENT DO THE SAME THINGS. 2Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, NOT REALIZING THAT GOD'S KINDNESS LEADS YOU TOWARD REPENTANCE? "

these verses make me tear me up...really they do...almost literally...basically it says "judging people is stupid"

we like to point out the flaws in other people and when people do the same to us we say "oh well that's different because (insert self-justification here)" and i really love the sarcasm in verse 4... "do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience"... honestly we should be happy to know that God has the ability, the love, the compassion, the power, the mercy, the grace, to love the most undeserving sinner...

and not only that....but to go as far as to call us His son (or daughter)....wow...

and it is God's kindness that leads us towards repentance...soo true

the truth is...i don't deserve life...and i most defiantly don't deserve life more abundantly...but that's God's love for you...

I guess I'll end with a quote i thought about while listening to music and thinking...

"The world takes everything for granted, we take everything for grace."

oh and btw...when i was typing this...i had a whole different idea about were this was going...and i was actually looking for a different group of verses in Romans...but then Romans 2 caught my eye....

there goes God... showing me that my plans are nothing compared to His...lol

lets see if this gets posted on tumblr

2009-07-27T21:21:00.002-04:00

yeah so i have a tumblr now jdwayt.tumblr.com

anywho so this is what i've been thinking about

before/during work i was thinking about my life and all of it's flaws (well not all because there are to many to think of in just one day) and i was praying somthing along the lines of

"God just take me to a different state or a different church or a different job or a different school or a different whatever so i can get away from all the temtations i have"....for some reason i feel that if i have a 'fresh start' i will magically become a stronger, better, super-christian.

and God brought to my mind James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

and i realized somthing...i'm not the one who's supposed to do the running....the devil is...

it says "resist the devil and HE will flee from YOU"... i know that God will help me get through my struggles...not just air-lift me out of them... because after all what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...and that is true...

well anyways that's about it....just thought i would share it with you

Oh you bring...

2009-06-30T23:29:00.002-04:00

it's a song by hillsong united...and it's really good...

and i guess as i'm listenting to it now i'm thinking about all the stuff God does for us...

like there are so many people that God is changing and it is amazing...like it's sooooo coool to see people my age and younger stand up for Christ...and just hearing the testimonies from those people is amazing...

ok so now for the thing that's been on my heart lately...

it's the issue of swearing...i don't know why it's been placed on my heart...but it has been...so i'm gunna talk about it...

ok so i was thinking about the issue of swearing cause i read somthing and it got my mind running and then there are always people at work who swear and then apologize for it...

and that get's me stuck sometimes...cause i don't know whether to say "i forgive you" and make them feel like i'm judging them and i don't want to say "it's ok" cause i don't want them to feel like it really is ok....

but Sunday night Matt read from Ephesians

and i read Ephesians 4:29
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen."

basically this is the closest verse to "do not swear" in the Bible...but we can't just look at it as "don't cuss" cause it says more than that, it says "Do not let ANY UNWHOLESOME TALK COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS"....and that got me thinking...

who am i to say what words are "good" and what words are "bad"...for example...

i don't swear...or at least by normal people's standards...but there are words i don't say infront of small children or people i respect highly

words like "douche" or "fag" or "hoe" etc...so i guess in a way i'm no better than the people who say "bad four-letter words"....so i can't really call someone out on that

i mean i would look like an idiot if i said "don't say bad words, douche"...

so i guess i have alot to work on...even in areas that it doesn't seem like i'm struggling but that's the cool thing about God, He's making me more like Him and less like the carnal man that i am

Fireworks on the 4th of July makin up the plans, up the plans that you made.

2009-06-27T00:09:00.002-04:00

don't nobody care if there's no girl by your side, they're starin at the painted sky.

(the wedding lyrics)

so true...except it wasnt' the 4th of july today...but the point is

i had a great day today and yesterday...and i have had actually just a great time in general the past couple months

you see...about 3 months ago my dad got laid off from work...and they told him that he might not get his job back...and if that is the case...then i'll be moving somewhere far, far away...(possibly Texas or North Carolina)...and that was kinda sad...but i didn't really tell alot of ppl...and i'm glad i didn't...

it's really cool to hang out with people and know that they actually wanna hang out with you because of who you are...and it's amazing to know that if i do leave...then people will actually miss me lol...

but in all seriousness...i know i'll miss them too...and that's why i love days like today where i can hang out with my friends all day...

so yeah...i guess we find out Wednesday if i'm officially moving or not...

it's in God's hands too....that's what's cool about it...i know that whatever happens...

all things work together for the good of those who serve Him....(i don't know if i quoted that right)

but yeah...today was sweet...thanks guys

Ok so, who doesn't own a cell phone...

2009-06-23T23:57:00.002-04:00

i'll tell you who....Jake Black....cause he left his at my house...(and the title is also lyrics from a Relient k song in case you didn't catch that).

alrighty so

this one is just gunna be a little update, cause sometimes i look at blogs like photo albums...it's always cool to look back and see how ignorant, naive, selfish, stupid, prideful, and childish i was.

and that's cool because it helps me realize that there is always room for improvement, no matter who you are

and hopefully when i read this a year from now i will realize how ignorant, naive, selfish, stupid, prideful, and childish i really am.

ok so recap a couple weeks ago... in youth we had an acoustic worship service led by the Holy Spirit...but lets go back a week

alot was bothering me that past week, and when i say alot...i mean alot of people...i was thinking in my head "well so-and-so did this-and-that and that just caused a bunch of problems for what's-his-face" and i was getting so mad at so-and-so and so i prayed to God and God showed me something very important...

"Don't focus on the criminal, focus on the victim."

and basically this means i need to focus more on 'what's-his-face' than on 'so-and-so'..(i know it's kinda confusing...but i'm obviously not going to use real names).

And that all came to me on my lunch break while i was in the acoustic room at guitar center. I was just playing some songs that had to do with what i was thinking about...and it was powerful...

yeah i was crying in the acoustic room at guitar center, but by the grace of God, no one walked in on me lol

so that sunday i was practicing the songs and all was going well...so before service i was playing the song "tear down the walls" by Hillsong United because the lyrics were the message that i was trying to get across to people

when worship started i shared the message that God placed on my heart...i said

i know there are some people here that feel like they don't belong, and i know there are some people that feel like there not good enough to get to God...well i just want to let you know that that's not true...God accepts us for who we are. All the songs that God placed on my heart have to do with his love.

the list was

Your love is extravagant
Amazed
Lead Me to the Cross
Wrap Me in Your Arms

and i got to Wrap Me in Your Arms....and God was telling me to say something to the people....

now those of you who have read my testimony know that this song is kind of sentimental in a way because this song is the song that i got saved to.

the lyrics
"there is a God who loves me
who wraps me in His arms
that is the place where i'm changed
and that's where i belong"
reminded me of my salvation, my testimony, where i was before christ...i remembered feeling rejected, broken and lost...i remembered my sin with drugs, my struggles with suicidal thoughts, my shame ...i remembered the story of the prodigal son...."while he was still A LONG WAYS OFF" i remembered that i didn't meet Jesus half-way....i couldn't make it half-way....i remembered what God said to me

"son i love you, i will always love you,i will love you when no one else loves you...I will love you, even when you don't love yourself"

and the night was awesome, people were getting into worship and it was amazing

and i remember at the end of the last song we sang "for you are holy"...and there was a high note that i couldn't hit with my voice, so when we got to that point i just stopped singing...

...and it was absolutely beautiful...i heard the people singing, connecting with God, worshiping God...and i broke down..cause that was the one thing i really wanted...to see people being changed by God's unconditional love...

wow and there is alot more so umm...i guess tune in next time...cause i didn't expect this one to be so long lol..

you know what i've noticed

2009-06-13T23:34:00.001-04:00

when i feel really small...it's helps to know that God is bigger than anything i'm facing....

...kinda like when a little kid runs to his dad because his dad knows everything

yeah...alot like that.

You make it difficult (figure it out)

2009-06-12T17:53:00.001-04:00

This is the lyrics to a song i wrote...hopefully i can record it and get it up soon...

it might be a little different

From the start, you shine beautifully
your running through my mind, constantly
still there is one question bugging me
is this....destiny

don't blame me
don't you see
i'm still trying to

figure things out
figure things out
figure things out

i'm just trying to
figure things out
figure this out
figure you out

cause you
make it difficult to sleep at night and
you
make it difficult to think about anything else

Michigan will always be the glove that holds my heart
even when we are miles apart
our paths only God can choose
with that in mind, we can't loose

don't blame me
don't you see
that i'm still trying to

figure things out
figure things out
figure things out

i'm just trying to

figure things out
figure it out
figure you out

cause you
make it difficult to sleep at night
and you
make it difficult to think about anything
you
make difficult for me to breathe
and you make it difficult to see anyone else for me

you are beautiful
you are wonderful
you make it difficult to see anyone else for me

you are beautiful
you are wonderful
you make it difficult to see anyone else for me
so wont you stay with me

don't blame me
don't you see
that i'm still trying to

figure things out
figure things out
figure things out

i'm just trying to
figure things out
figure it out
figure you out

cause you
make it difficult to sleep at night
and you
make it difficult to think about anything
you
make difficult for me to breathe
and you make it difficult to see anyone else for me

Little Things

2009-06-12T00:40:00.002-04:00

mmk so i said i was gunna do these more often but i forgot one thing

i'm lazier than an orthodox Jewish sloth on the sabbath (i made that up i swear)

but this isn't about the past so lets move on...

mmk so lately i've noticed alot of little things getting in the way of our connection with God... and i guess the thing that really got me thinking about this topic was the new Hillsong United CD

it has no Booklet....
and i'll confess...i was a bit disappointed...i thought maybe it was some 'pre-order special' and they didn't have enough time to whip up a booklet and what not until the final release. But i was wrong...the whole thing doesn't have a booklet

but it has a deep meaning to it...so it's justified

but i heard that there were alot of complaints and those complaints got the hamster in my brain moving and i started to think...and what really put me in my place was this thought

'IT'S A PRAISE AND WORSHIP CD'

since when does praise and worship need a 'booklet'....God isn't going to plug His ears because my p&w cd doesn't have a booklet....no....and it's not about lyrics either....the words that come out of my mouth mean nothing if my heart isn't right...

Worship is more than songs or words, it's all about attitude

(Rom 12:1-2)

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." (msg)

that's right...i quoted the message....that brings me to little thing #2 that i've noticed

alot of ppl complain about what translation of the Bible someone uses....a very wise pastor said "the best translation is the one you can understand"....and i couldn't agree with him anymore

i look at CONTEXT....that is VERY important when it comes to reading the Bible...

John 3:16 can be quoted several different ways...i could post many different translations but it would mean absolutly nothing if there is no meaning behind the verse...i find that i have to ask myself what does this mean...

to me John 3:16 means this....
God loves me soooooo much that He gave His only BEGOTTEN son....begotten as in "so-and-so begot so-and-so"...this means that God gave His only legitimate, real son, those of us who are saved are adopted children to God...but not Jesus...Jesus was the real deal...he was GOD'S ONLY REAL SON....that's like a Father giving up his actual son for some poor homeless kid in some slum somewhere...

it's amazing to think i mean that much to God!! but really it would mean nothing if those were just words....

and i truly believe that the power isn't in the literal words of the Bible but it's in the context...it's in the deep meaning of the Word...if the power was in the actual words then we would all be reading the original manuscripts that were written in Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic.

and adding a "th" to the end of every word doesn't make it more powerfull...lol...

now i believe that you can get more out of the KJV just because it has a wider vocabulary....where as the MSG is very blunt and straight to the point....but my point is that there is no 'perfect translation' in fact i read 3

1. MSG-I get the main points, i get the context, easy to understand and none of the fundamentals are hidden...everything is right there (i use the MSG as more of a guide to help me understand)

2.NIV- I like the NIV because i'm comfortable reading and understanding it and i can still dig deep in the Word and do some pretty sweet Bible studies.

3. KJV- KJV and Websters dictionary go together like peanut butter and jelly....there are alot of very SPECIFIC words in the KJV which throws me off quite a bit...but with the KJV's vast vocabulary you can dig so much deeper than in most other translations (however this is useless if i don't know what i'm digging into)

that's just my personal opinion (as of most of this blog i must confess)

and i guess #3 is just a Hodge-podge of things that just lead us away...

and i don't mean the real 'sinful' things like drugs or sex or anything like that...

as the title suggests i'm talking about 'little things' little things

things like our image in the eyes of others...for example...today i got my haircut...and i was deciding whether to get it cut or just trim the back and the sides and i was all worked up because i was scared that it wouldn't look right and that everyone would burn my house to the ground because my hair didn't look a certain way....but i realize that my hair as absolutely nothing to do with the kingdom of God...the length/style (or lack there of) of my hair isn't going to harm/help anyone's walk with God...so really...it doesn't matter...

also things like what you spend your time/money on like video games and such... but i think you get the idea....

so basically there are many pointless things that kinda slow my spiritual growth...but i really shouldn't worry about those things because like pastor said today "God is able".... God used prostitutes and murderers to do great things in His name....so i'm pretty sure God can use me....

so yeah this was kinda a rant/whatever...sorry that this one isn't as good as the last one

-God bless, JD

Finally

2009-06-12T00:40:00.001-04:00

i know i said i was gunna post more but...i got lazy lol but that doesn't mean God is done teaching me...He's never done

witch is pretty cool but it's not the easiest thing in the world either

i guess this one isn't so much what' I've learned it's more of what just has been going on lately...

God has just been drilling into my head the fact that i need to trust Him in everything, EVERYTHING it's kind of like a trust fall into God's arms...

and it's harder than it sounds and it's been a test
and i learned that the tests of life aren't pass or fail...they shine a light on what's really inside

and I've learned just how spiritually immature i am...i used to think "oh spiritually I'm like...oh...19....just like physically and mentally" but i only thought that because i reasoned like a 19-year-old would but I've realized that i am more like a child...because lately things have not been going my way at all...and I've responded in a very childish way.

i feel like "I've been doing everything right" and i guess I've kinda been holding God to some man-made standard that says I'm entitled to some sort of physical reward...and like a toddler I've been throwing a temper tantrum so to speak because i feel that i haven't gotten "what i deserve"...and pastor said on Sunday that just because things aren't going right, doesn't mean i can go back to living like the world...

and I'll admit it...i have been slacking off in getting into worship, or my prayers have been lip service...and the life i chose to live, yeah the one that says that I'm supposed to be set apart...yeah I've set my self apart alright

but not from the right ppl...

but there is something that God has brought to my attention...there is a song by Hillsong United off their new CD, it's called 'You Hold Me Now' and that song talks about Heaven it says "no weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering, you hold me now, you hold me now" and i think about what i have to look forward too...i have hope of a life like that

and that's something i can hold on to

i know that God has a plan...even though i can't see it...i know that God has all the answers even though He doesn't tell me them...and most importantly I know that God loves me even when my back is turned....

maybe next time i get mad at God because i "didn't get what i deserve" I'll just think about what i REALLY deserve...

and i guess I'm about done...but i hate to end on a statement that kinda puts me down lol

so I'll just say...I'm excited for what God is doing...through His church....and I'm glad to be part of it...and i know that one day...my only regret will be that i didn't do more...

ummmmm K?

2009-06-12T00:39:00.000-04:00

yeah so umm... i think i might blog more idk yet though...

but if i do i want to blog about the things that God has been teaching me...cause it's so amazing and i can't hold it in any longer...

but that's because no one can contain God's awesomeness

ok but lately God's been keeping my focus on 2 things
1. relationships
2. evangelism

i would have to say i struggle the most in those two areas...so God is turning weakness into strength...

before i go on i'm going to give a disclaimer...i'm not trying to tell anyone what's right or what's wrong...i'm just sharing what God has revealed to me...and i'm just typing what comes to mind (and heart)

ok so as far as relationships go the #1 thing that God is drilling into my head is that
Christ = Husband and Church = Wife

Eph 5:23- "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

all of the suddon the entire Bible becomes a perfect Dating Guide lol

but seriously now there is a perfect example of what i'm supposed to do...and it's as simple as WWJD...but there is alittle more than that...it's What Would Jesus Do...for His church...

or what did he do...

he was willing to die for his church....

God brought to my mind a couple things...today in church i thought about Jesus carrying that cross up to Calvary...and it reminded me of a man walking up the aisle to be with his wife on his wedding day...

and like the veil that is lifted from her face...the veil in the temple was torn so that God can be with us forever and ever...

and when Jesus said "It is finished" it was kinda like he was saying "I do"

kind of a weird way of looking at things i guess...but for me it really puts Gods unconditional love into perspective.

another thing was last night i read the whole book of lamentations and i was reading about how the author was crying out to God about everything that was happening in Jerusalem

it was pretty brutal...the Babylonian army had surrounded the city making it impossible for anyone to trade or go anywhere for anything outside of the city...women were eating their own children to survive...people were starving to death...(the saddest verse was Lamentations 2:12-"They say to their mothers, 'Where is bread and wine?' as they faint like wounded men in the streets of the city, as their lives ebb away in their mothers' arms." and the whole time the Babylonian army mocked the city and it's people

Now we know how much God poured His love on the Isrealite people, He brought them out of Egypt and He delivered them into the promised land...The Isrealite nation was pretty much God's wife

The whole book of Hosea he talks about how being the God of Isreal was like being married to a prostitute...it's true!
God told Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer (i know...what a name right)
well she left him and sold herself into slavery and so Hosea bought her back and God used that as an example of Himself and Israel
which leads me to my favorite verse in that book

Hosea 2:16 "In that day," declares the LORD "you will call me 'my husband': you will no longer call me 'my master.'

God was revealing to the people that He was going pay the price to get them back....

...ok so...back to Lamentations now (forgive me for jumping around) but as I was reading the horrible things that were going on in Jeruselem...God spoke to me and said "That was my wife"...

...i dropped my pen on my Bible and i just started to cry...I was just so heartbroken to see the people that God loved so much...go through so much pain and suffering...even to the point of eating their own children...because they had turned their backs on God...and how after everthing that they had done...God didn't completely forsake them...

He still made a way for salvation...He still carried the cross up to the hill like a man on his wedding day...He still went through with it...

man...do i have alot to learn...

...yeah so more soon...i'm still ready to explode lol...

I’m not done...and neither is my paper : P

2009-06-12T00:38:00.002-04:00

mmk so I couldn't help but think about those God placed in my life

Danny- your my accountability partner dude, and you are pretty awesome, I know we don't talk like we used to but I'm still there for you and I know your still there for me...you might not know it but you've help my walk with God. To see you grow in Christ is amazing and to see your passion for God grow throughout your life is inspiring, don't give up on your parents either, you can do it....God is with you

Brandan- you have a big dome lol...but your pretty awesome just like your brother, you have alot of talent, God has blessed you and just keep using your gifts for God,

Gage- your a boss, your maturity and your skills with a guitar are inspiring....I know it might not look like it...but there are times when I really look up to you, and you write songs like no body's business,

Tim- I know you get frustrated when things don't go right...but you never let that frustration get a hold of you, even when I say I'm going to break every bone in your body when you play the drums while I try to tune my guitar....but I also think it's cool how you always offer rides to people...that's some true servitude right there

Erika- ok so I know you don't have a MySpace...so I'm gunna trust that either me, or Dan, or Amanda or someone will show you the next time they hang out with you, but you humiliate me....in a good way...you let me know that I'm not king of the world...cause it seems like everything I do you do better. but honestly your a great worship team leader...better than I could ever be...and I'm happy to say that you keep me humble...although it does kinda suck sometimes...lol

Amanda- you've taught me something that no one else could...that Asians are boss...lol but honestly you are one of the coolest people I know...you've made the worship team better, and I know your not a part of the youth anymore but you will always be part of the pack...fa sho

Kayla- I know you don't have a MySpace either...so it looks like it's prolly up to Amanda to show you and Erika this...but anywho you are cool because your favorite color is green just like mine...but on a more serious note I enjoy seeing you grow up in the church....and I mean spiritually grow up in the church...it's always cool to see people who have been raised right by their parents grow up to be Godly men and women,

Mr. and Mrs. Gutierrez- (*sigh* again no MySpace) you guys are awesome...you always open up your home to me and the Kellers lol...we eat all your food, we swim in your pool, we have good times at your house...but I think it's cool how you care about us like you care about your own children...you are really inspiring and you are a great example of a household who serves the Lord...

Tasha- yeah I know kinda unexpected but thanks for inviting me to FGT in the first place without you I wouldn't be typing this right now...and thanks for asking me to join the worship team all them years ago...I wasn't any good when I started...and I'm not all that great now...but you opened a door for God to move in my life...and that means alot

Darla- again unexpected...but thanks for talking to me about God after Battlecry 06 and again without you I wouldn't be typing this, you taught me alot about God when I didn't know much of who He was

Sarah (Jessie)- I know im always mean to you, but you really are cool, and you make me laugh and you're cool fer sher

Charley- you are cool and it's awesome to see how spiritually mature you are, and it's cool to see the fire of God burn in your life and to see your passion for Him.

Matt and Sarah- you guys are awesome youth leaders...you guys do alot for our group and we don't always give you enough credit. but thanks for all the servitude and thanks for putting up with us even though we can be jerks at times

Jesus- I know You are supposed to be first in everything I do...but I saved the best for last...thankyou God for bringing all of these people into my life they are truly the reason I believe today...because through them I see you, I see your character, I see your people moving, I see your people doing your work in love, I see people who are changed by your touch, I know I'm not anyone who is amazingly special or anything...but sometimes I feel that way when I'm with these people..Thankyou for showing me that God doesn't live at the alter of a church building, but in the hearts of His people, and that is what makes you real, it's what separates religion from relationship.

anyone who I didn't' mention...don't feel offended...I love you too...

Procrastination

2009-06-12T00:38:00.001-04:00

mmk so it's been like over a year since my last blog but i have a 5 page sociology paper due tomorrow so i'm procrastinating but in the mean time i'm going to give you a little insight into mylife

so i'm sure most if not all of you have read my blog called [TEST]imony and how it talks about my changed life....and oh man....changed it is....

looking back i see more and more how blind and lost i was but i can stand here and proclaim that the last 3 years have been the best that i've ever had...and yeah i've had ups and downs but God has always been there for me

i'm not saying this to tell you i'm better than you or that i'm perfect casue i'm not...i'm telling you because i know what it's like to be lost but now found. i know what' it's like to feel like no one cares...and i can honestly say that the grass is greener on the other side...

God cares for us more than we know...so much that He gave his life...on Saturday i had the opportunity to go to a youth event at metro south and i originally didnt' want to go but God obviosly wanted me to go...i learned about how we tend to give things that are free less value...and about how God's free gift of salvation tends to be taken advantage of...

but the truth is that his salvation is more valueable that anything else...i speak this from experience

Christianity isn't my lable...it's my life...it's not what i do...it's who i am...it's not rules and regulations it's hope...it's not religion it's relationship...it's not judgement it's grace...it's not uncool...it's love

love that i can't find anywhere else...not drugs...not sex....not money...not anything this world has to offer....

when i came to christ so much changed since that day at BattleCry...i just asked to be loved by God...i never asked for freinds...i never asked to be looked up to ...i never asked to be a leader....i never asked to be a friend....i never asked to be a man...

i was the kid who cried himself to sleep wishing he was somebody else...and i serve a God who gave me that wish

and the beauty of all of this is that God didn't meet me halfway...cause i couldn't make it halfway....God met me where i was...

God is still moving through my life and my prayer is that you read the other blog and then this one and see that God has the power to change lives

and just one more thing....God is faithfull when He said "I will love you when no one else will love you, I will love you even when you don't love yourself"...He really ment it ...and i mean He REALLY ment it...honestly God's love has blown me away...

honestly i can say that i still....to this very day...3 years later...that i still want the cross...and i want it more and more each day...God will increase and i will decrease...my life is for His glory

this might be crazy to some of you...this might seem strange...but take it from someone whose been there...this life is better than any other...guarenteed

and what more to say than "God is Love"

TESTimony

2009-06-12T00:35:00.000-04:00

So I guess i've done some thinking the past few days...and i guess i have been thinking about my past...so in case you've wondered how i got to be the way i am today...here it is...

I guess i never really fit in before...but that was only part of the reason...the majority is that i just felt...empty...like there was something i was missing...i hated going to school every day thinking that everyone was staring at me and laughing on the inside...i felt as if no one cared....i hated myself...i hated the fact that i was a pervert...i hated the fact that i couldn't stop staring at the pictures on my computer screen...i was addicted and i couldn't control myself and it was just killing me inside and all the fault was my own...

so one night a 'friend' of mine came over...he told me that there was this thing called 'tin'...it was tobacco and fiber glass...the glass would cut your mouth open and the tobacco would go in your blood...'it just gives you a little buzz, it's not even addictive' that's what he told me...and that was a lie...after that night...i was lost....i was trapped...there was no way i could fight anything now...although the tin made me feel better for a while...i couldn't...stop...anything anymore...

i told myself that i wouldn't ever by my own stuff...that it was just one time....but i was wrong...so i walked up to the gas station...bought 'green grizzly'...it was horrible taste...but the buzz...that felt so good...i felt like i wanted to puke every time...time after time again i hid in my crawlspace and it was there...where i sold my soul for something so useless as tobacco and fiberglass...listening to slow music...i thought this would make me feel soo much better...but it didn't...i just hated myself even more...i thought so much about cutting my wrists...'mabey that would make me feel better' that's what i thought. i never got there...but i do remember bringing scissors up to my room...just in case...

last sunday we learned about samson...he learned when it was almost too late...that's about how i was... i tried to come back...i tried to be one of the 3 people in my school who lifted their hands during chaple...but that didn't work...'God is just to far' is what i thought...i couldn't do anything...

but then...the hope...Battlecry....

the week before when i was seeking and nothing was happening actually helped...i was so open and sensitive at that point...i remember almost crying after the first 5 minuets...it wasn't until the end of the first day...when then words "i want the cross" stumbled out of my mouth...that was when i was done looking like i loved God...that was the first time in a long time that i actually meant it...

so i went up to that alter...and i started conversation with..."there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms"...and He said.."I love you son"...i never cried so much in my life...

He said..."I love you no matter what, I know you don't like yourself, I know you don't want life anymore, I know your heart and I hear your cry...I love you son and I want you to come home"...i prayed for freedom..i prayed for hope...i prayed for life...i prayed for justification...and i got all of those...

the next couple weeks was hard...i put on the paper of things that we wanted to throw away that i wanted to get rid of drugs...my drug...

and of course God listened...He helped me with everything...He helped me...let go...i let go of my adictions, my drug, my habit of looking at pornography, my lust...now i'm far from those things...

and now...i am a true man..i have a testimony...

Now He has brought me someone that cares about me...someone...that i've never lusted after...someone that i can talk to ...some one that i can care about...that someone i feel is something that God has given to me...something that He is trusting me with...

and God you have given me so much more than i asked for...i just wanted to die...i never intended you to show me mercy, i never asked for you to love me...just forgive me and let me die, i never asked for Darla, God...you just gave...because you love...and i've told you, over and over, 'God i'm in this for good, i'm not backing down...no matter what....i'll love you no matter what...because you've loved me...you brought me to me knees...you broke me, Lord...you changed me to be more like you...that's something they can't take away from me...it's that testimony'

God thank you...thank you for everything...thank you for changing me to be 'the perfect guy'...God there is no one too far from your saving grace...your blood covers everything...now the only thing i ask for is the strength to share my testimony...right now...this live journal is just the beginning i promise God....

i've never loved life so much un till now...

God is love...

Alright...let's get the pawty stah-ted

2009-06-12T00:25:00.000-04:00

mmk...so myspace is making me mad...actually the people on myspace are making me mad...

bulletin must be foreign for drama....so i'm seriously considering getting rid of my myspace....cause i've almost had it...so for now on my blogs are going to be www.jdwayt.blogger.com

i'll prolly keep myspace but i want to have an alternative just in case...

plus now i dont have to copy things to myspace, facebook, and so on...i can just link it to one place...